These Boots Were Made For Winning at Life

Name: Rockport Hiking Boots I Guess
Age: 4 Months Old
Size: 11.5
General Interests: Going outdoors, dirt, being tough, climbing stuff, doing hard work, kicking stuff in a manly fashion, being tougher than you.
Personality Type: Non-elitist, non-name-brand outdoorsy type.

Ah, my Rockport hiking boots. They’re probably not good enough for some people. They don’t have an "outdoor" name brand label on them. In fact, Rockport is a brand known for making dress shoes. These boots mark the 3^rd pair of Rockports I’ve ever owned, and the first two are still in great working order. (I wish I were getting paid to say this, but here goes...) If you ever want some great dress shoes, get some Rockports.

About a year ago, I brought a decent pair of hiking boots out to DC from home, only to leave them on the Metro as I rode back from the airport. That was a miserable mistake. A run-in with brand snobbery kept me from purchasing another cheap but functional pair of hiking boots to replace them, so I slogged through multiple feet of snow and a few hikes in old dress shoes, furthering my miserable experience.  Sometimes you just have to stand up for what’s right, show the haters who’s in charge, and buy what you want…lesson learned.

Last weekend (or was it two weekends ago…?) I joined a group of guy friends on an exciting adventure to a Habitat for Humanity job site. This was the first attempt at our goal of doing volunteer work once a month, and it was a real success. We worked outside for about eight hours, during which we put siding on half of a wall of the house, dug a thirty foot long trench about one foot deep in gravel, and even did some painting. It was hard but fun work, and I even flirted with a girl, who, it turned, had a boy friend. A heads up would have been nice since I spent eight hours thinking we might have a “thing.” Oh well, that’s usually “par for the course” with me. 

That girl and I put all the siding up you see there. A girl that's handy with a 

hammer is both attractive and slightly intimidating.

During this event, I was happy to see my Rockports performing well. I’d even say they felt at home in this environment. The tough, deep tread gripped and clawed at the dirt and gravel, and made climbing the scaffolding a cinch. As I measured, cut, leveled, and hammered all the pieces of siding against the house, I begin to wonder if I missed my true calling. Construction…what a manly profession. Wearing my boots, I looked at home there on the construction site. I even wore a baseball cap for the first time in 4 years. Yep, I was looking good.

Let me share a little secret with you...I have opinions. Lots of opinions. One thing that I often reflect on is the improper use of tough outdoor boots.

Oh lord, how I hate it when people wear them inappropriately.

What is an “inappropriate” use of hiking boots, you ask? Any time you’re not running around in mud, dirt, snow, or gravel, you’re using them wrong. They aren’t called “daily boots” or “sidewalk shoes.” They are called “Hiking Boots” because they are meant for one thing: Outdoor activities.

When I see someone walking around Safeway, wearing their Keens, buying a gallon of milk so you can eat a bowl of cereal in their crappy studio apartment, I can’t help but think “Do you realize how much trouble it was to put those on compared to any other type of shoe you could have conceivably worn?” Short of a pair of snowboard boots, hiking shoes are the most time consuming type of footwear ever.

It’s like they are trying to shout as loudly as possible “I LOVE BEING OUTDOORS!” Well great job! Here’s a medal! I think there’s a Subaru dealership nearby if you want to go hug it out. It’s like when someone gets off their bike and keeps their right pant leg rolled up so we can all see that they biked there. I just don't care. We all like being outdoors...you're just not special

My favorite is when someone wears them to the office as if they were dress shoes. Oh man. Ohhhh boy… I have so many problems with that. Have they ever heard the rule “Don’t wear brown with black?” Well that’s a rule for a reason; those brown and yellow hiking boots look absolutely ridiculous with black dress slacks. An alternative pair of comfortable office shoes are Chucks. At least they are color appropriate.

“You’re mean! I like to wear my hiking boots to [insert place here] because they are comfortable and supportive!” Dumb. Wearing hiking boots to the office, grocery store, mall, or worst of all, a club on a Friday night (I’ve seen it!) is about as ridiculous as someone wearing high heels to play basketball. Sure, your legs and butt might look great, but that’s wildly inappropriate. Just like you wear shorts when it’s hot and pants when it’s cold, you wear hiking boots when you are going to be walking around in the mud, and any other shoe when you’re not.

In my time with this blog, I have come to understand shoes and speak their language. Wearing the wrong shoe for the occasion is, at best, an abuse of that pair of shoes, if not an outright crime against humanity. Be good to your hiking boots. Show them some mud.

Getting turned down by a girl while building a house in tough looking, appropriately worn boots…That sounds like an awesome Reason to Put on My Shoes to me.

 That's 30 Feet of trench. Not an easy task when the dirt is half gravel.